fatherlesskind

I help my friends if I can.

_{[Which is more important and goes beyond terms like "mage" and "spirit," "possessed" and "abomination" in his mind.

More and more, Anders is starting to regret bringing the charges against him to attention. Confession had lost its appeal when he'd stopped being a practicing Andrastian--acting guilty for something outside of his control had merely made him believe in his guilt, and everyone else around him believe in it, too. He taps the tips of his index fingers together, impatient with himself more than anything else. Stupid.]}

So a demon wants me to think I'm a cliche? What happened to a little imagination?

_{[He smiles, and it's close to his usual blithe humor.]}

If I start getting the urge to commit mayhem, you'll be the first to know. Sorry for springing this on you out of the blue--you have enough future problems as it is, and there's not much to be done about this one at the moment. I suppose I'll just have to get used to being stared at funny. It's just like home. But you won't... say anything about Justice, will you? I'd rather not have everyone worrying corpse-possessing spirits are about to descend and steal their loved ones away.

_{[Justice is the one in all of this who's not here to defend himself.]}

[A sentiment he can't criticise but... possession. Spirit. Abomination. There's helping people and then there's that.]

I don't think demons are big on creativity. They have that in common with the Chantry.

[So not the point. But he's more than happy to see Anders trying to lighten the mood. Without knowing more about this spirit or Anders' future there's not much else he can offer on the subject.]

You better tell me first. I might want to help out. With the mayhem. [If it's not the getting possessed kind of mayhem. That should go without saying.] But I'm glad you told me. [At least it means someone knows about it all. Someone who doesn't know abomination-Anders instead of real-Anders.]

And I promise I won't tell anyone else about Justice. Unless he shows up and someone thinks he's a demon they need to slay. [Then he's pretty sure Anders wouldn't mind if he said something even if it was just 'don't kill it yet, it might be a nice spirit'.] ...Although you know, if people are looking at you funny it might not have anything to do with your evil twin. They might just think you're weird. [Alistair pauses and grins hopefully up at the other Warden.] I learned that lesson the hard way.

_{[Put that way, maybe this isn't a demon's web of illusions, after all, but some special corner of the afterlife where people who make fun of the Chantry go when they die. That would make a lot of sense. Some days Wonderland feels like it's sole purpose is to make Anders despise and doubt himself--that reeks of the Chantry.]}

You can rest easy, I'm not about to go on any rampages today. And probably not tomorrow, either. But... thanks. For listening.

_{[He means it, even if he still has a knot in his gut.]}

And if that happens, I pity the first person who compares him to a demon. You can thank me later for warning you ahead of time--Justice doesn't take that kind of talk laying down. Bit of a sensitive subject, that.

_{[The attempt to take his mind off of things merits an amused snort, at the very least. He can see what Alistair's doing and he's grateful someone would make the attempt at all.]}

It could have a little something to do with who you are, too. I don't think anyone's going to mistake me for a king anytime soon.

Edited 2016-04-01 04:54 (UTC)

[Well if it is that then they're both in the right place. But if the Maker intended to punish people for mocking the Chantry he shouldn't have given them a sense of humour in the first place.]

Anytime.

[Even with the whole possession talk and the feeling that they're in exactly the same place that they started. That place being 'Wonderland is weird and confusing'.]

Just great. I'll keep that in mind.

[The spirit doesn't like being called a demon. He can sort of understand it. No one would like being accused of being a demon. But it does seem like it would make it harder to argue that it's not - he's not - one if Justice is going to attack people over it. Still, better to know just in case.... Except now if he sees a walking corpse he's going to have to try talking to it before hitting it. Anders better be ready to fix him up if he gets chewed on as a result.

Alistair's grin widens and he waves a hand dismissively at the idea there's anything kingly about him.]

It could happen. I bet you can pull off regal better than I can. [But then, a mabari that just rolled in something could pull of regal better than Alistair as far as he was concerned, so that wasn't saying much.]

I'd have seen what the Commander thought about all of this if he were here, but he's off hacking darkspawn to bits, and half of the others from Thedas seem to want to do the same with me.

_{[His smile is on the sheepish side. He feels obliged to offer some explanation for why he's inviting himself into Alistair's life like an unannounced guest. Part of it could be that it goes against his instincts to lean on people; it feels like another personal failure on top of letting this other stuff take over his thoughts.

Joking about mistaking identities is the perfect distraction from his self-deprecating spiral. With Alistair's stamp of approval, Anders seems to warm to the fantasy, clapping his hands together decisively.]}

I think I could learn to live with fancy shampoos! Who's to say there's not a world out there where mages born to royalty keep their status? But kingship sounds like too much work. I could settle for being an arl, maybe. My wife and my mistresses could live comfortably in my arling's castle.

_{[He turns his gaze on Alistair, a smirk making his expression look impish.]}

While we're on the topic, I've been meaning to ask... Is it true about Her Majesty? Is she as stunning as they say?

And here I thought we were at the point in our relationship where we tell each other all our deepest, darkest secrets and have sleepovers. Now you're telling me I'm just convenient? I'm wounded!

[Not really. He's not bothered in the least by Anders needing to talk things over but he can appreciate that, given the choice, this is the sort of thing most people would want to discuss with someone they've known longer than a couple of months. Someone who knew Anders' spirit and could better the judge the situation. Even if he hopes that this Warden-Commander would also be against possession by anything.

Although, could the Warden-Commander offer fantasies of power? Probably not. And Anders seems to like the idea of being in that position - King or Arl - more than he does. So that definitely counts for something.]

Mistresses? As in more than one? And a wife?

[...Just what is he planning to do while running this imaginary arling? And more importantly, why is he looking at Alistair like that? That is not a look he trusts one bit, even if the question that follows makes no sense.]

Oh sure. [He nods knowingly.] She's amazing. Better even. All... you know. Womanly.

...Who is Her Majesty?

_{[Alistair has a talent for lightening the mood. Anders wishes he'd had a chance to see more of that in his Thedas, where Alistair had left the Wardens and taken on the mantle of leadership. He'd follow a king who could make him laugh at his lowest point.]}

Nonsense, there's a special part of my heart with your name on it. You're in my top ten. Top twenty, at the very least.

_{[Even if the Alistair sitting across from him is still a Warden, Anders assumes he must have an idea about the queen. Who else would be ruling Ferelden if Cailan had died at Ostagar in Alistair's world just as he had in Anders'?]}

I'm talking about Queen Anora! Have you seen her in person? I would have thought with the business of the Blight you'd have had an audience with her or something.

Aw, now I feel all warm and fuzzy.

[He'll take twentieth most favourite person, sure. It's better than nothing.]

Oh. Anora. [He'd been worried that maybe there was another Her Majesty if he was king. That somehow Arl Eamon might have pushed him into a marriage. But of course Anora would still be hanging around. She had been doing a lot of the running of Ferelden even before Cailan died, she must have stayed on to help rebuild after the Blight. She was still Loghain's daughter but she would be useful while he was learning all the kinging business.]

I've seen her alright. [And wound up in a cell because of her. But the question hadn't been about her as a person. Frowning thoughtfully, Alistair shrugs after a moment.] She's not bad. So long as you don't mind your hands freezing if you try to touch her.

[Not that he has tried to touch Anora - she dislikes him enough just for existing, if he started pawing at her he'd likely lose his head, contender for the throne or not - but she looked frigid enough for it to be true.]

_{[Alistair says that, but if Anders took his temperature when talking about his future wife, his blood would probably freeze water solid. He doesn't seem to have made the connection that the only way Alistair could be king and Anora could be queen at the same time was if they'd tied the knot, which might be for the best.

There have been plenty of uncomfortable revelations already. Anders resolves to keep Anora as his blushing bride on the down low. Let Alistair believe the future is a blank canvas and the worst possibilities are all in his head.]}

Okay, so she's on the reserved side. But is she a looker?

_{[Anders clearly isn't basing attractiveness on personality. A woman can still be beautiful and as rabid coyote. Like Velanna, for example.]}

[He has to laugh at Anders insistence on the subject. If it's that important to him then Alistair can put aside his personal feelings and judge Anora based on looks alone.]

Yes, alright, she's good looking. Happy?

[Grinning he shakes his head at the ridiculousness of them talking about how attractive the queen - or former queen - is. He's pretty sure she'd be even more annoyed by him than usual if she ever heard this.]

If I ever get the chance I'll introduce you to her and you can see for yourself.

[Not that Alistair doing the introductions would help much. But maybe Anders would even manage to get Anora to smile. She'd be a lot prettier if she did. He wasn't going to hold his breath though.]

That's all I wanted to know! So the rumors were true, then. That's good to know. I would've been disappointed if it had turned out people were exaggerating.

_{[Obviously this is important, world-changing information that had needed confirmation one way or the other.

Anders' eyes widen like a little kid's when he offers to help get him bumping elbows with other Fereldan nobility.]}

Ooh, would you! But how does she feel about mages?

_{[A mage in front of the Queen of Ferelden who helps enforce the Chantry's decrees, hmm... That doesn't sound like a death sentence waiting to happen at all. Doubtful she's terribly fond of the Grey Wardens after they proved her father to be a dishonorable scumbag, either. She might enjoy watching the Chantry bend the Wardens' collective arm to bring an apostate to justice.]}

[Because the most important thing to know is that Ferelden's queen - former queen? - is attractive. Yes, of course.]

I didn't exactly ask her about it. She didn't seem to have a problem with Wynne. Or Morrigan. [Bizarrely in the latter's case.] But we did rescue her. [And wound up in a prison cell because of her, not that they'd gotten an apology for that.] She might not have said anything because of that. Or she might not care, you'll have to ask her yourself.

[What's the worst that can happen? If Alistair himself is king and the Wardens saved Ferelden she can't exactly demand they send one of their number back to the Circle. Or she can but he doesn't have to listen.]

Maybe you can win her over, show her how useful magic can be.

[And whatever court life is like it would have to be improved by having someone like Anders there. They might not be Orlesian but a lot of Ferelden nobles could be plenty stuffy and boring on their own. They could do with livening up.]

_{[He makes a sound of consideration. Maybe he will have to ask her someday, provided he gets a chance.]}

Hopefully not too soon. The last thing we need is more people washing up on Wonderland's shores--especially people who've met a future me that's gone off the reservation.

_{[But soon enough, Anders is smiling again.]}

Shall I put in a good word for you? I can be persuasive when I want to be. People like me... ah, when I'm not possessed, that is. I'm witty and I know when to throw in a compliment or two! Or three depending on how vain the woman is.

No arguments there. Any more of us and we'll have most of Ferelden here.

[And having more people around who think Anders is some dangerous lunatic and might want to act on that would not be good. Or people who might expect Alistair to act kingly. Both would be bad.]

I don't know if there are enough good words where I'm concerned. Especially if I take the throne from her. But I wouldn't say no to seeing you try.

[Since he wouldn't say Anora was at all vain. So seeing Anders trying to charm her would be entertaining to say the least. And if it worked, well it would still be worth it to see her flustered for once. So maybe her showing up wouldn't be such a terrible thing.]

_{[Now that's a thought. Just picture Wonderland's picturesque countryside filled with irate villagers and Chantry brothers and sisters wagging their fingers at passer-by. It'd be just like home.]}

It'd be like the Blackmarsh all over again. Believe me, once of that is enough.

_{[But then Alistair has to go and say that. He thinks Anora would have a bone to pick with him because he'd usurp her? Anders laughs awkwardly.

Usurp the throne, share the throne... Same thing, really. Right? Yes. Right.]}

Yeah... yeah, you never know. Anything's possible.

[And dogs. Don't forget the dogs. And the mud.]

Uh. I'll take your word on that.

[He's heard stories about the place, the kind of creepy tales like those about the Korcari Wilds but Anders clearly has some experience there. A story for next time they get together for drinks.

Right now he's a little puzzled by the way Anders reacts to his comment about Anora. Frowning he shoots the other man a questioning look and asks-]

Did I say something wrong? ...Don't tell me we become friends or something?

[It wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen to him, as unlikely as it seemed.]

_{[Anders nods in a yes, do fashion. He's brimming with helpful advice on places to avoid. Half his life has been dedicated to it--it's practically a personal hobby.

Before he can say something that might only make Alistair's stay in Wonderland more difficult, Anders makes the unspoken decision not to bait the future king with too much information. Just like whatever brought Anders and Justice to do what they do in Fenris' future, Alistair becoming who he is in Anders' memory--the king and all that it entails--has to be a choice. It can't be forced. It's unfair to expect otherwise.

He lets out a small laugh.]}

Would that be any stranger than the Grey Wardens and a spirit of Justice making nice?

When you put it like that...

[No, him becoming friendly with Loghain's daughter isn't that strange after all.]

It's better than the alternative. [Where she hates him and makes his life and potential future kingship difficult.] I can make an effort to win her over myself.

[You know, if he gets back to Ferelden and actually remembers this conversation.]

But I still expect a good word from you too. I need all the help I can get.

_{[Careful to frame it lightly like a passing thought, Anders voices a hypothetical.]}

Is she that dead set against you? I'll wager she married the king--the previous king--to put on a good face for the people. A unified front and all that. What if you became king and did the same and brought together your two families? You could be in the company of a beautiful woman all the time. Would that be so bad?

_{[Hypothetically.]}

[The look Anders gets should speak for itself but in case it doesn't-]

One, our 'two families' includes Loghain. I doubt she'll like me after I execute her father as a traitor. [Which is not negotiable. Loghain is going to die for what he's done and it doesn't matter what Anora might have to say.] And two, she was married to Cailan. My half-brother? That's a little weird.

[Marrying his half-brother's widow like she was a shirt handed down after Cailan out-grew it just seems.... Weird.]

_{[Well, that answers that. Whatever acceptance the Alistair he'd known had come to in order to take his place on the throne with Anora as queen, this one hasn't yet. Perhaps he won't.

Anders is smiling before he realizes he's doing it. In a way, this just proves nothing's set in stone, doesn't it? If Alistair isn't persuaded to take the same road his other self had, he and Justice don't have to be, either. Alistair's unenthusiastic reception is, oddly enough, extremely comforting.]}

I doubt Loghain himself thought he was getting out of that one. She seems like a smart cookie; she probably knew what's coming.

_{[He's smiling a little too brightly to be talking about executing someone's father and pseudo-incest. What? This had been a litmus test for the future and the results give him hope.]}

Royalty is a bit weird in general, I think. Were you close to King Cailan?

[Anders seems remarkably cheerful, given the topic of conversation. Even if he never had to deal with either Loghain or Cailan it's a little weird to look so happy when talking about a dead king and his murderer. But from what he does say it's clear that Loghain's execution has already happened from his perspective. Which is... good isn't the word but right, maybe. Reassuring.

The bit about royalty is less so, even if Alistair doesn't generally think of himself as actually being royal. Or weird. He's definitely not that either.]

Cailan? No. We never spoke. [He'd spent more time talking with Goldanna the one and only time they'd met. Cailan was his brother in blood alone but-] It would still be weird to marry his widow. And she lost her husband less than a year ago. Even if they weren't in love that's awfully quick. I know I'll have to marry if I become king but I don't know that I'd want it to be Anora.

[Plus there was the whole heir business and those letters to Cailan suggesting that he should put Anora aside in favour of a wife that could bear him children. Something that would be enough of a struggle for Alistair himself, being a Warden. But that was about enough of that discussion.]

Why don't we talk about your marriage plans instead? Since you're making suggestions for me.

_{[Though the conversation had only just briefly touched on Alistair's relationship to King Cailan until now, it seems a shame that two blood relations hadn't gotten to know each other. Anders' romantic side talking, probably. He can't imagine King Cailan would've been over the moon about having a bastard brother waiting in the wings to threaten his rule.]}

That's too bad. Life's funny that way.

_{[Another shrug. He won't admit he'd brought the queen up from the standpoint of everything already being said and done, that Alistair and Anora had, for whatever reason, decided to become partners. Only they could answer why, and neither of those people are here right now.]}

You could marry a turnip and it would probably still have more sense than Loghain did for picking fights with the Grey Wardens during a time of Blight. But if I'd known we were offering suggestions, I could've brought a checklist to start taking down your preferences. Favorite hair color, shared interests, positions, that sort of thing.

_{[Decidedly not saying anything about about his own plans, or lack thereof. Alistair has an excuse to break protocol and get married, whereas Anders has two strikes against him, being a mage and a Warden.]}

[Alistair had had his share of romantic notions about blood ties and what they should mean in the past but he thinks he's mostly come to terms with the fact that that isn't always the case. He dismisses the subject of his non-existent relationship with Cailan with a shrug.]

That's one way to put it.

[He does have to smile a little at Anders' comment about Loghain, though it's not the most cheerful of expressions. The Teyrn could be called a lot of things for his actions but the most important thing is that he's brought to justice. And not the spirit kind. As for the man's daughter, well, Alistair might try getting on her good side in the future. It couldn't hurt.]

Right. My preferences. Is this the part where we start talking about who we like? You should go first.

[Since they'd been talking about his future romantic prospects so far, Anders wasn't getting out of this.]

We've shared so much already, I don't see why not. Okay, I'll go. There is this mage I'm fond of.

_{[He sits back and claps his hands to his knees in a "get ready for this!" way. Wow, it's almost like he's about to deliver an earnest answer.

Or is he?]}

They're charming and witty. Those are important traits. And handsome! That's important, too. And he has a vivacious and fun-loving spirit-- Hah, oh wait, I'm describing myself! That's me! I think I'm pretty great, I quite like me. Me me, that is, not other me.

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